I cannot end without speaking for Brendan, who's so upset by someone he cared for. He has so many questions. ``How come baby Matthew died? What is death? Where is heaven? I want baby Matthew back. I've got Matthew, here he is!,'' as he cups his hands to pretend that Matthew is with us.

He looks up to the stars to say goodnight to Matty. ``I love you. How was it up
in heaven today?''

Even this morning Brendan said, ``I hope Matthew liked those balloons we sent to
him,'' reminding me of the helium balloons we set free on Matthew's birthday.

He asks questions. ``Why did Louise hurt Matty? Why did Louise hit Matty's head
on something hard?''

And he cries. And I have no answers.

These questions haunt us forever: How? What exactly happened? How long did Matty suffer? Why?

Every day we are faced with the challenge, how to go on living without Matthew.
I am so grateful to those who helped and supported us. And I'm so sorry now for
all the pain that everyone involved has suffered.

And I am hopeful that someday we will find peace."